Inner Mean Girl Challenge Week 4: "Perfection" is my Middle Name

GET RID OF YOUR INNER MEAN GIRL - Under Promise and Overachieve

This is my fifth post in the "Inner Mean Girl" Series. Now, over 9000 women across the country are taking the Inner Mean Girl (IMG) Cleanse to stop the 6 toxic behaviors that allow your inner mean girl to take over your life.

The toxic behavior focus for week 1 was on Gossip.

The toxic behavior focus for week 2 was on Comparison.

The toxic behavior focus for week 3 was on Obligation.

The toxic behavior focus for this week is on Expectations. Did you know that "Perfection" is my middle name? Ok, not really, but it should be.  I am your typical Virgo and Virgos are ruled by the need for perfection and order. I don't like seeing dishes in the sink so they all have to be washed right away.  I don't like to see clothes on the bed so they have to be put away immediately when I enter the house.  I don't like seeing dirt of any kind so vacuuming and dusting are constant agenda items. I hate being late so I have to arrive at least 10 minutes early for every appointment. My overachiever attitude worked out pretty good for most of my life, until I became a mom. Even then, when my son was little, I was able to keep up the pace of my expectations. 

But now time and age and my kid's never ending activities are playing with my expectations. I can no longer keep up the pace. Clothes are not always making their way back into the closet.  Dishes are sometimes still in the sink in the morning.  And when was the last time that I vacuumed the carpet?  I have been forced to lower my expectations a little just to keep up with life.  And you know what?  No one died from it.  My kid did not care that this year I did not get him all new school supplies and a new book bag.  I don't think he even noticed that I recycled school supplies that were already in the house.

The Inner Mean Girl Cleanse teaches we should do two things to deal with unrealistic expectations.  The first thing is to under promise and overachieve.  Don't go in with the superwoman attitude for every project.  Give yourself a break and set doable goals.  The second thing is to start working at 80% of your energy instead of 110% energy.  Most women burn out from just the stress of giving too much for too long.  Slow down and conserve the extra energy for yourself.  You deserve it.

My next blog post will deal with one of the two remaining toxic behaviors of Judgment or Fear. If you want to follow along with the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse, go to http://www.meangirlcleanse.com/.


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Disclosure: I am participating in the Inner Mean Girl 40-day Cleanse as a Self-Love Ambassador. To thank me for my participation, I will receive a self-love gift from the founders of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School.


Click here to read all the posts in the Inner Mean Girl Series

Inner Mean Girl Challenge Week 3: Obligations Suck

GET RID OF YOUR INNER MEAN GIRL - ACT FROM LOVE, OR DON'T DO IT ALL

This is my forth post in the "Inner Mean Girl" Series. Now, over 9000 women across the country are taking the Inner Mean Girl (IMG) Cleanse to stop the 6 toxic behaviors that allow your inner mean girl to take over your life.

The first toxic behavior focus for week 1 was on Gossip.

The second toxic behavior focus for week 2 was on Comparison.

The third toxic behavior focus for week 3 is on Obligation. Back when my son was 4 years old, I started finding lots of free events to go to in Detroit. We started going everywhere - museums, swimming, character meet-and-greets, event openings.  I would find so many events that we would do them back-to-back, sometimes three in the row. I remember one Saturday before Easter. We went to take free photos with the Easter bunny, then drove down the street to a free Easter festival and then on to a wonderful free Easter Bunny puppet show at the library. We were having a ball. It was all wonderful and new. We went to so many events that my friends and family joked that every time my son left the house, he thought he should come home with his face painted and a gift bag in this little hand.

Fast forward six years. Between my work, my son's school work, my son's sports, and other things, going to even more event now sometimes seem like a chore.  The superwoman act that I have doing for years is now getting old. I'm getting tired and slowing down. I think one of the reasons that I like blogging is because I can do it at home in my pajamas. Even my son sometimes just wants to stay home and do nothing.

I figured out that the difference between an anticipated opportunity and a dreaded obligation is really how tired I feel at the moment. So I stopped doing some things and started staying home more. At times I feel guilty about it, but I also feel more rested and that is what's important.

Sometimes we run so hard for so long that the thought of doing one more thing loses it's appeal. Most of our schedules are so overloaded that we are dead tired.  We need to take a break and rest.  But knowing you should take a break is easier than actually doing it. Obligations suck, but how do we get off the treadmill?

The Inner Mean Girl Cleanse teaches there are two things we should do to stop taking on more and more tasks that you really don't want. The first is to just say NO. I don't know what it is about the word no, but most people are afraid to use it. But I'm getting better and better with using it lately. The second thing the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse teaches is to evaluate the task based on what is really important to you. If the task serves no real importance to the things you care about, don't do it.

Then start viewing the things you really want to do in a new light. Instead of talking about the things you "HAVE TO DO", start talking about the things you "GET TO DO". The one word change takes the task from a negative to a positive. With less on our schedule, the things my son and I GET TO DO now are more fun - even if no face painting and gift bag is included.

My next blog post will deal with one of the three remaining toxic behaviors of Judgment, Expectations or Fear. If you want to follow along with the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse, go to http://www.meangirlcleanse.com/.


Click here if video is not shown


Disclosure: I am participating in the Inner Mean Girl 40-day Cleanse as a Self-Love Ambassador. To thank me for my participation, I will receive a self-love gift from the founders of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School.


Click here to read all the posts in the Inner Mean Girl Series

Inner Mean Girl Challenge Week 2: Comparison vs Inspiration, Appreciation, and Graditude

GET RID OF YOUR INNER MEAN GIRL - WHY DON'T I HAVE WHAT SHE HAS?

This is my third post in the "Inner Mean Girl" Series. Over 5000 women across the country are taking the Inner Mean Girl challenge to stop the 6 toxic behaviors that allow your inner mean girl to take over your life.

The first toxic behavior focus for week 1 was on Gossip.

The second toxic behavior focus is on Comparison. Comparison is a slippery slope.  Comparing yourself, your body, your work, your family, your job to anyone else will usually leave you filling down. For me, I have a bad habit of comparing my blog to others. I like to read other blogs and I have been finding a number of blogs that are less than a year old that have tens of thousands of readers. That makes me wonder if I am doing something wrong.

I compare my blog design to others and my style of writing. When my numbers plateau, or worst yet, when folks start to unsubscribe from my RSS feed, my inferiority complex really gets the best of me. I really know how to throw a good pity party.  No one wants to work hard and not be the best.  So, I start to wonder if I know what I am doing, if any of my numbers are accurate, if any of my stuff is any good.  Yes, I slowly slip down the hill of comparison. I've been doing this blogging thing I little too long to stay at the bottom of the hill of comparison for too long, but it angers me that I allow myself to go there at all.

The antidotes to the toxin of Comparison are Inspiration, Appreciation, and Gratitude.  When I look at all the great things I see on other blogs, I get inspired to make changes on my own blog.  So in addition to my RSS feed, I just setup a new Facebook page for my blog to help increase readership.  I have learned to be appreciative of the progress that I have made in blogging thus far.  I may not have a large following, but I appreciate each and every person that is following me and I am grateful for the chance I get everyday to make a difference in the amount of cash going out of wallets all around Detroit :)

My next blog post will deal with the third inner mean girl toxic behavior of Obligation. If you want to follow along with the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse, go to http://www.meangirlcleanse.com/.


Click here if video is not shown


Disclosure: I am participating in the Inner Mean Girl 40-day Cleanse as a Self-Love Ambassador. To thank me for my participation, I will receive a self-love gift from the founders of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School.


Click here to read all the posts in the Inner Mean Girl Series

Inner Mean Girl Challenge Week 1: Giving Up Gossip for Good Talk

GET RID OF YOUR INNER MEAN GIRL - GOSSIP VS GOOD TALK IN METRO DETROIT

This is my second post in the "Inner Mean Girl" Series. Over 5000 women across the country are taking the Inner Mean Girl challenge to stop the 6 toxic behaviors that allow your inner mean girl to take over your life.

The first toxic behavior focus is Gossip. The Inner Mean Girl Cleanse defines Gossip as follows:

"Talking or writing about a person who is not part of the conversation in such a way that either: a. they would feel bad hearing what you said or b. you wouldn't want them to hear what you said".

I think gossip really comes down to talking about something or someone in a negative fashion so that you make yourself feel better in comparison.

Gossip is rooted in truth, but always about the negative. Gossip spotlights all the messy faults, the hidden secrets, the known failures. So when we use gossip to point out faults, it makes us feel momentarily better in comparison. I think we hope when we gossip that by putting all the attention on another person's faults, no one will notice our own.

Can Gossip apply to a Whole City?
One of my goals in blogging is to spotlight all the great things that are going in metro Detroit. A lot of folks think I am a little different for talking about Detroit with such love, but overall I think people really enjoy it. But I personally don't like all the negative talk (gossip) about the Detroit area. Sure Detroit has major problems, but what I take issue with is that our problems are all that make the news. If I believe the media, there is nothing in metro Detroit worth praising.

Since the Dateline Special about Detroit (gossip), the image of Detroit to the nation is that of crime, blight and unemployment. While I don't deny any of these things, I do deny that that is the whole metro Detroit area - the whole truth. What most Detroiters had issues with about the Dateline story is that it was not a balanced view of our area. It was intentional negative reporting spotlighting the messy faults, hidden secrets, the known failures.  It was pure gossip meant more for viewership than uncovering the truth.

Good Talk
The Mean Girl Challenge Cleanse says that instead of gossip, we should invest in Good Talk.  Good Talk does not mean you turn into a Pollyanna, but it does require clean motivations and intentions.  So I challenge metro Detroiters to do a little "Good Talk" about our area and I challenge non-Detroiters to dig a little deeper for the whole truth.  Read a few of the following blogs that tell about the wonderful things that are happening in our area:

- Positive Detroit
- Detroit Moxie
- I am Young Detroit
- Street Culture
- Inside Detroit

Make an effort this week to say something that lifts up instead of tears down.  A little Good Talk might make someone's day.

My next blog post will deal with the second inner mean girl toxic behavior of Comparison.   If you want to follow along with the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse, go to http://www.meangirlcleanse.com/.


Click here if video is not shown


Disclosure: I am participating in the Inner Mean Girl 40-day Cleanse as a Self-Love Ambassador. To thank me for my participation, I will receive a self-love gift from the founders of the Inner Mean Girl Reform School.


Click here to read all the posts in the Inner Mean Girl Series

I am taking the Inner Mean Girl Cleanse. Want to Join Me?

GET RID OF YOUR INNER MEAN GIRL - IT'S CHEAPER THAN THERAPY!

This blog post is a little late, but they say better late than never.  On August 25th, women around the world started a 40 day Inner Mean Girl Cleanse to stop the 6 toxic behaviors that allow your inner mean girl to take over your life.

I am a total perfectionist and my inner mean girl is always rising up to play with my mind.  I go through your basic mean self talk - "Is anyone really reading your blog that you work so hard on?", "If you had been smarter, you would have seen that coming!" and my favorite mean girl thought "You're too old to be trying something new at this stage of life".

So I am taking the 40 day Mean Girl Cleanse and I'm forcing all of you to take it with me.  My next blog post will deal with the first inner mean girl toxic behavior of gossip.   If you want to follow along, go to www.meangirlcleanse.com.  This could be cheaper than going to a therapist.

So what inner mean girl thoughts do you deal with?  Leave a comment below if you want to share...